Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
