No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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