dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
