Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
