You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You made out with two different species that night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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