so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
