it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
