Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
