hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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