I just cut my nipple shaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
