I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
