kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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