I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
