Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
