There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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