If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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