My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
