That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
