I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
