He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
