even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
