I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
