Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we're making bets on your personal life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
