i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
