I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
