Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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