apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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