he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
