checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
