I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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