she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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