Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
