I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
where are my pants?
in the oven.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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