i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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