I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
