Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
