OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
