"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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