we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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