i jhust puked up my retainher.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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