My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
