i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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