I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
