Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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