dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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