Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
