I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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