Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
