loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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