Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize