The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
