i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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