shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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