I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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