can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
