Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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