I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
