ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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