Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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