I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
