K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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