I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
