Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize