is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
