good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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