what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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