i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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