I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
