i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
