I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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