It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We got so high we made milksteak
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
