I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
