rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
