Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We are all done wearing pants today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
