my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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