Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
