I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
