return my video game
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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