what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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