he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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