you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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