Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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