when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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