is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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