Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
