so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
